Dixie Fix

Death Comes in Threes

I've been thinking about death a lot lately...understandable, since I just returned from a funeral in Orange County. We were mourning my brother-in-law from my first marriage, Bryan Courtney, who was taken from us at age 60. The cause: melanoma. He leaves a wife, two college age kids, and three pets. He also leaves -- for us to enjoy -- an extraordinary garden that he tended daily with love.

Bryan was my brother in law, but so much more. I met him in high school, where he was my lab partner. He was smart and funny and outgoing...I thought. It turns out he was actually drunk in class, which enabled him to be outgoing, since he was extremely shy. The day he passed out after smashing all the beakers was his last day at Whittier High, because he was expelled. But I had met his older brother John by that time, and in short order we were married, giving me a inside view to Bryan's life.

Back in the day, alcoholism was not taken as seriously as it is today. The consequences were not as severe. Soon, in his teenage life, Bryan had an astounding 5 drunk driving arrests. Every time he was sent to a court-ordered shrink, and every time he was back drinking. Even though we both lived in Seal Beach, I banned Bryan from our home because our two small daughters had already seen enough and his behavior scared me. "Come back when you've been sober a year," I said, crying, as I slammed the door.

Six months later I got a call from his 10th psychologist, Pat Allen. "Bryan is sober now," she said, and invited me to meet her and see Bryan for myself. He had indeed, quit drinking, and never had another drink in his life. Bryan went on to be successful both personally and financially, marrying and having two kids. His brother and I divorced after 13 years, but I always had a soft spot for Bryan and always lauded his success.

That began my lifetime association with Pat Allen, who counseled me through divorce, cancer and my journalism career. I can honestly say that Pat Allen has been the biggest influence on my life. A recovering alcoholic herself, Pat has an uncanny ability to get right to the heart of the matter, even if it wasn't what you thought it was.

At the funeral there was talk of Bryan's garden, and his family, and his love of Halloween, but only a quick mention of his darkest days when he was drinking. After all, very few people at the funeral knew Bryan then. But I knew his defeat of alcoholism was his most monumental achievement. It paved the way for all the success he had later in life.

At 60, he was way too young to die. The fact that Bryan was instrumental in my meeting the father of my children and introducing me to the woman who would became my forever life coach, he changed my life for the better and I will never forget him.

About this same time, my friend and fellow blogger Denise lost her sister to breast cancer, which had reoccurred after a decade and spread its evil cells. Linda Silver fought this with everything she had for nearly four years. She leaves her mom, two sisters, a daughter and four terrific grandkids.

The third death is an animal -- lovely Bertha, an elderly St. Bernard who ended up at the shelter old, tired, with cancer and other medical problems. She lived the rest of her life in the shelter office, on a soft bed, being fed rotisserie chicken and Ritz crackers. Her ashes now sit in a beautiful box above Ruth's desk, along with her photo.

And so, three lives -- and now three deaths. People may think I'm stupid, but I like to think they're all somewhere together, enjoying God's grace. May they rest in peace.

Are We Meant to be Vegetarians?

In the early 70s I met a guy on the beach who somehow convinced me to go vegetarian. Didn't know him; never saw him again. But his argument was sound and persuasive -- he told me to give it a 30 day trial run and just see if I felt better. I did, and I did.

So, that began my 7 year odyssey as a vegetarian -- in the days when it was hard! Forget eating out, and forget "special orders." In addition, my husband was a meat eater and insisted on separate dinners. One of the daughters was a vegetarian who occasionally eats bacon, and still is, at age 37.

What did me in was a neighbor famous for is BBQ who was barbecuing prime rid that had been marinated for days. I had a taste, and then a full dinner. Of course later I threw up, but decided that I wanted the option to eat meat.

My next vegetarian moment was during the heyday of psychedelics. Let's just say that when under the influence of, say, special mushrooms, it is impossible to eat meat. Just impossible. Oranges look like a super food and your body craves clean, fresh, produce. That made me wonder if maybe we weren't meant to eat meat -- just because.

Now as I try to eat healthy, local food -- and nothing with more than 5 ingredients, preferable nothing packaged, I find that a lot of my favorite food bloggers are vegetarian or vegan and I find myself wondering -- again -- if that is a choice I should make. I never eat ground beef, rarely eat any fast food, but I do love a steak about once a month. Otherwise it's chicken and seafood, and I now it would be hardest to give up seafood.

Many high school and college kids are vegetarian now, and with the health food stores and shift in consciousness about farmed animals (rent "Food, Inc.") it is something I'm flirting with. Not ready to commit, mind you, but it's rumbling around in my brain as a next step.

What do you think?

Great News for Nevada County Animal Lovers

After 3 years of planning, meetings, budget sessions, reports, proposals and who knows what else, the plan by Sammies Friends (Cheryl Wicks and Curt Romander and all the supporters of their non-profit) to privatize the Nevada County Animal Shelter is on the Jan. 26 Board of Supervisors meeting agenda! Woo-hoo!

This is a huge step forward and hopefully will result in Sammies Friends running the shelter later this year. Cheryl and Curt work tirelessly already on behalf of animals in our county and I think few would argue that they are responsible for turning our shelter around and getting the euthanasia rate down to low single digits.

They have smarts and charisma, two qualities you need to run anything and motivate legions of volunteers. They are kind, honest, and steadfast and together I am sure they will always put the animals first.

This is nothing like the "privatize the library" debacle. Sammies Friends is non profit. And local. And has 10 years of a track record helping animals in our county!

My 2009 calendar had "Board of Supervisors meeting -- Shelter" crossed out about a half dozen times and I'm beside myself with excitement that this could finally happen..next week! But the action of the Supervisors would begin "negotiations" so it probably is still months away. But still, for the first time, I feel like it could be happening!

You meet people in your life who have various impacts on you. I have always considered it a blessing to know Cheryl & Curt and I admire them tremendously. This is going to be a really, really good thing for Nevada County !!

Ginger, the Feline Alarm Clock

Ever since we rescued our cat, Ginger, from AnimalSave, I have had no need for an alarm clock. This was especially handy when I was still working, but now is less handy. Ginger wants me up at precisely 6 a.m. and believe me, if you can sleep while a determined cat is trying to get you up, you're a better person than I.

Ginger had been turned back to AnimalSave twice, and sucker that I am, I figured it was time for her "forever" home. Her first owner, an elderly woman, died of cancer and the husband returned the cat after she died. Her second adoption was with a family with young kids and she was abused by the children to the point that she was returned, again. As I carried her home, shaking and meowing in her carrier, I thought that living in a cage at AnimalSave (where she had been for several months) was worse than the cozy home we would provide.

The first 2 weeks Ginger lived under the bed, with a catbox and food and water. She rarely ventured out, but eventually she came to explore our small house. We figured it was just a matter of time before she was a contented lap cat.

That was 4 years ago. She sleeps on the bed with us now (the better to spring into action at 6 a.m.!), meows for my husband to brush her while he's reading the paper and occasionally sits within 10 feet of us. Last night was a big breakthrough -- she jumped on the couch for about 1 minute while we were both sitting there. So, it's been a long journey.

She accepted our Golden immediately, although she makes it clear she thinks he's an idiot. She looks from him to us as he's chewing on a tennis ball, a disgusted look on her face as if to say, "What in the world do you see in that fool?"

So, our tenuous peace continues. We've accepted the fact that Ginger will probably never be a lap cat, and she's accepted the fact that I am willing to spring out of bed at 6, ready to be at the cat's beck and call.

She's a beautiful girl, all fluffy white with a few orange spots and an orange striped tail. She seems to know she's pretty.

And getting up at 6 every day has its advantages, after all.